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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28364115">whispers of dead tales</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikaino/pseuds/ikaino'>ikaino</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Agent AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Break Up, F/M, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Mafia AU, Post Timeskip, Post-Break Up, Romance, ex to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:54:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,036</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28364115</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikaino/pseuds/ikaino</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>after disappearing from everyone’s lives a year ago, oikawa tooru took it upon himself to tell you that your lover, akaashi keiji, might’ve died or sided with the enemy. out of distraught, you left the organization and started a new life  ━ but you know what they say, no matter how far you go, the past will always come to haunt you. and sometimes, reliving the past leaves you to rekindle old flames.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>whispers of dead tales</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Life was pretty quiet. </p><p>At first glimpse, people would've conjectured you as any other human being. But it wasn't like they were entirely wrong with their assumptions, maybe it was the truth, maybe it was a put up front you had conveyed in order to obscure the dark yesterdays. </p><p>Truthfully, if you hadn't known yourself, you would've thought the same — perhaps suppose that you were an ordinary being who only loved to consume caffeine like it's water or bury your face into a book. And maybe it would be better that way; better if people were to never know the real you, or just merely presumed their ideals of you. </p><p>You supposed that even after leaving the business, there was still a distinct hope that lingered in you that the former flame you've ignited with your ex-partner would relit. However, reminiscing of the old time affections and dirty works only left bitterness in your mouth. Longing was an understatement, and maybe there was a tinge of resentment in you that impeded you from <em>missing</em> the former. </p>
<p></p><div class="media-holder media-holder-draggable media-holder-hr"><hr class="tmblr-truncated"/>
<p></p></div><p>Too bad he only existed as a memory now. </p><p>The ex-partner was identified with the name of Akaashi Keiji. And even up to the present day, you were still left with uncertainty as to how he got tangled up in the mafia business. He used to live an ordinary life; he had a job that paid enough and a home that covered him, so it was indeed a wonder. </p><p>He was fairly quiet during conversations and if someone were to speak, he’d hold himself back and let the person speak. When talking about experiences, it was no difficulty to deduce that he harbored more professionalism and experience — he was skilled in terms of persuading people, a sweet talker with a blade on his tongue. In terms of strength, he was much stronger and held more speed and grace in his actions, it was as if he was born to eradicate existences. </p><p>Sparring with him brought a steaming desire for revenge in you — because no matter the occasion, you had never won. Not a single victory from you, it was always an inevitable state of loss or draw. </p><p>And perhaps that's one of the things that drew you towards the flame that is Akaashi Keiji.</p><p>“A penny for your thoughts?” </p><p>Promptly breaking you out of your trance, you looked up to see Oikawa, who only adjourned his perplexed expression by chuckling. By gauging the amusement on his face, you could tell you sported an apprehensive expression. </p><p>“Huh?” The confusion drove out from your mouth. </p><p>He shakes his head, dismissing his previous question. Instead, he speaks up again. </p><p>“I was talking about my day, but it seems like you're busy with your own thoughts. Is something bothering you?” </p><p>You blinked in response, hands mutely bringing the book down to your lap as you lowered your gaze. If more than anything, Oikawa could tell the uncertainty that was written on your gaze—and even with the slightest contort of your expressions, you were only confirming his verdicts.</p><p>Meekly speaking out, “I’ve always wondered if it was a good idea.” </p><p>Oikawa didn't have to think twice to figure out your statement, nonetheless, he heaved out a breath to express his disappointment. “Ah, it's been a year, hasn't it? To be frank, I think he's a piece of shit. Listen sweets, if he truly loved you he would've made the move to see you, but where is he now?” He chuckles. “I wouldn't be surprised if he's caught dead in a ditch somewhere, but that wouldn't be Akaashi-like, wouldn't it? The thing is — your decision to retire is probably the best choice you could ever do to yourself. God forbid how imprudent you would become if you met that traitor while we're on a mission.” </p><p>Oikawa leaned back on his seat, crossing his legs as he stared at you, watching as your eyes snapped up to look at him. </p><p>“Traitor?” The word came out as a whisper. </p><p>He nodded. “Traitor.” </p><p>“I never thought of it that way.” You brought a hand up to brush your hair back, letting out a breath of disbelief. “You know, I've always thought that he might've left because he wanted to protect me.” </p><p>Oikawa almost lets out a chuckle. “Antagonism acts out differently with different people, you shouldn't be too trusting with people even if they fucked your brains out or said that they loved you.” </p><p>“Are you trying to make me feel better or feel shittier?” </p><p>He smiles. “I’m saying what’s on my mind, don't be too hostile. And besides,” You look back at him. “What I said — if it truly made you feel shittier then that only meant one thing..” </p><p>You froze. </p><p>“It's been a year.” </p><p>He sighs. </p><p>“Indeed, but it doesn't really matter now, does it? It doesn't matter because he's still the only one that accompanies your mind. I wouldn't be too surprised if you say that out loud.”</p><p>You drove a punch on his arm, earning a chuckle from him. </p><p>“Stop being so smart, it's so unlikely of you.” </p><p>A smug smile curled up on his lips as he stretched his arms, standing up from his position on the sofa across you. </p><p>“Well, they didn't really call me the brains of our group for no reason.” </p><p>You raised an eyebrow, shooting him a teasing smile. “Something tells me you made that title up by yourself.” </p><p>Oikawa stops on his tracks, hand resting warm against the door knob as he cranes his head to look back. A smile that could be entitled as ingratiating or perhaps pensive written on his face, he averts his gaze back to match yours. </p><p>“Really now, sweets? You should've known that in our group my plans have always been successful—and you? You’ve always been our lucky charm.” </p><p>Your smile falters. </p><p>“Right.” </p><p>Oikawa must've noticed that the smile you held wavered in the slightest, as he turned around to face you, taking steps forward before wrapping his arms around your figure. “Always take care of yourself, okay?” He murmurs. </p><p>You nodded against his shirt. “I haven't been in action for months now, Tooru. I should be the one telling you that.” </p><p>“You're my friend, I care for you. I just want you to be safe.” </p><p>“Of course, don't worry about it.” </p><p>Oikawa’s gaze drops down to your face, and for some reason, premonition heightened his nerves, though a part of him felt grateful you couldn't see the expression he had plastered on—a face full of agonizing uneasiness. Oikawa Tooru wasn't one to deliberately convey the physical distress on his face, but he couldn't help but chew on his lower lip as he reluctantly pulled away from your grasp. </p><p>He shoots you one last smile. </p><p>“Be on a look out.” </p><p>Then he left. </p><p>Be on a look out for an upcoming plight or a havoc in human form? </p><p>You’d be damned to figure it out. </p>
<hr/><p>It wasn't like Oikawa Tooru rendered any sort of romantic feelings towards you, and all sorts of idle crushes he harbored for you all died down after the first few months of meeting you. You were a friend, a family, a sentimental oasis he found himself unknowingly latching onto—you understood him. What used to be cold bearings written on his face was replaced with blithe grins and chuckles, and he pointedly knew he wasn't even a person who wears smiles on weekdays. You shared the same sentiments as he did, and the same strong drive of passion that no one ever seemed to understand, not even Akaashi. </p><p>Two years ago, past him would've found it strange that he still lingered in resentment. But Oikawa wasn't one to back down, not when he felt oddly threatened with someone who was as skilled as he was. It's childish, he winces to himself, it's like a competitive game of tug-of-war, except it felt one sided. </p><p>And if Akaashi signified his disclosures of feeling threatened by his presence, he was certainly good at hiding it, because Oikawa was highly perceptive with his surroundings, and if he did, he would've noticed it. </p><p>He stopped on his tracks, his phone vibrating at the back of his pocket. Momentarily, he averted his gaze to his sides in search of apparent presence before fishing his phone out. </p><p>“Oikawa Tooru speaking, who is this?” He questions. </p><p>There was an indistinguishable shuffling that resounded from the other line, heightening Oikawa’s attention as he narrowed his gaze. </p><p>“Oikawa, it’s Semi. Get back here right now, it's urgent.” </p><p>“Urgent? What happened?” </p><p>A deep breath was released from the latter. </p><p>“He's back.” </p><p>Venture back to the headquarters luckily didn't take too long, but he reprimanded himself for his lack of preparation. Silently muttering curses to himself, he almost ripped the door open as he walked inside. </p><p>The headquarters of his organization looked all too modern, it wasn't too formal that he felt indifferent nor did it feel secure enough for him to sit in ease. Past him would've known better than to speak within the gray hallways, or to speak freely with his co workers — the walls can hear and everyone bled out facades of being an adversary. </p><p>He never trusted anyone to begin with, maybe anyone but you. </p><p>Slipping inside the meeting room, pairs of eyes fell on him as he pursed his lips. It's not that he felt intimidated or small under the scrutinizing eyes, if more than anything, he felt heedless. A hiss came from him as he found himself making eye contact with an old acquaintance. </p><p>“Akaashi.” </p><p>Said man only stared at him in response, and if gazes could kill, Oikawa was certain he would be found buried 6 feet below. The stare matched his—full of unresolved anger and grudge, yet he found himself sitting down in hesitation as Akaashi maintained his stare. </p><p>“Why is <em>he</em> here?” He asked. </p><p>Another associate with the name of Semi Eita looked at him promptly before speaking. “They contacted him.” </p><p>“Contacted?” He trailed off, eyes snapping up to shoot a glare. “He betrayed us, he sided with the opposing side! He left us with no explanation as to how he had to leave, we just discovered he was with them when Shirabu had to do some digging about this matter.” </p><p>“Oikawa.” Semi warned. </p><p>Oikawa leaned back on the chair, hand raising up to run it through his hair frantically. He felt his blood boiling, jaw locking in place as he shakes his head. “No. You know how everyone felt about this, everyone felt betrayed, everyone felt conflicted that one of our associates — one of the most considered the best, chose the wrong decision by siding with the rival. And you're telling me you contacted him back? What the hell are <em>you</em> on exactly?” </p><p>One of the men in the room lets out a deep breath, shaking his head. When Oikawa averts his gaze on the man, he silently forces himself to stop. Even with completely enraged emotion burning through him, he couldn't find the will to utter another word, not when their boss was looking at him directly, not when the gaze that was fixated on his slightly shaken figure was indicating a taunt as if to say <em>speak one more word and see what will happen. </em></p><p>The boss fixes his glasses, before standing up from his spot. </p><p>“I’m really disappointed in you, Oikawa.” Said man’s expression falters into a state of shock and confusion. “Weren't you proclaiming that you were the genius here? Have you never really thought that this could possibly be a framework? Well, I’m sure you know the saying in order to fool your enemies, you must fool your allies first. And it worked, didn't it? You were far too absorbed with revenge that you forgot to overlook past the smaller picture.” </p><p>Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows, opening his mouth to speak, only for him to shut it again when their boss lifted a hand. </p><p>“Ah, you see, I had to make it believable. I had to make it look like Akaashi’s abrupt perfidious decision against us was real, and what's better than to send one of your precious people away to your rival? Even all of you were fooled, nobody knew of my plan, no one besides Akaashi and I.” </p><p>“What about Y/N?” He gritted his teeth. “I suppose her retirement has something to do with this?” </p><p>“No,” The man shakes his head. “That's something I overlooked in the past. I never thought the plan would drive her away into retirement, <em>such a shame</em>.” </p><p>Oikawa felt torn, had he really been lied to? All the junctures of obscured insecurities and anger were leaving him to feed on deception. Never in his entire life did he feel so collided with a fusion of emotions. </p><p>Ah, it's been awhile since a wave of emotions washed over him. He couldn't help but swallow, painting his eyes with betrayal. </p><p>He averted his gaze to Akaashi, who merely looked back at him. At some point, he could pinpoint the mirthless emotion fade into a silent apology. <em>Sorry</em>, he nodded faintly. </p><p>Leaving the meeting room was harder than he thought, it felt like a heavy feeling slumped on his shoulders as he took steps away. He could only foretell that a pair of eyes was fixated on him as he exited the room, and of course, it had to be the person he dreaded the most. </p><p>Akaashi. </p><p>“Can we talk?” </p><p>His throat felt dry. “About what?” </p><p>Akaashi gestures for him to follow silently. And as the two began to walk in complete silence, Oikawa couldn't help but walk with a heavy feeling in his heart. He chewed on his lower lip, hands beginning to feel clammy — he was partially responsible for your retirement, he was the one to tell you that your ex lover left for selfish reasons. <em>A filthy liar he was</em>, he winced as he incessantly bounded through the corridors as Akaashi walked a few steps away from him. </p><p>“Let's talk here.” Akaashi’s tone was cold. </p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“What did you tell her?” </p><p>“That you left.” He laughs humorlessly. “Have you really depicted me as the type of man to sugarcoat things? I wouldn't tell her that you left because you wanted to protect her when it's clearly not the reason why you left.” He indignantly spat out. </p><p>“What did <em>you</em> tell her?” Akaashi repeats. </p><p>Oikawa pursed his lips. “It's not like I had any accurate probabilities to inform her, but I did tell her that you were most likely dead—dead or busy meddling with the enemy.” </p><p>Akaashi’s eyes shot to stare at him in incredulity, but before he could even speak, Oikawa interrupted. </p><p>“It's not like I had any choice either.” Oikawa shrugged. “She felt betrayed. Her only true lover left without even saying a goodbye kiss, can you imagine the anguish in her face when I told her that you disappeared without a trace? I didn't have the heart to tell her you sided with the enemy, I’m not that heartless, Keiji.” He chuckles, shaking his head. </p><p>“I treasure her with my whole life, maybe not as a lover but as someone I can confide my secrets to. I was there when she felt helpless, when she cried your name out because she had a nightmare about you being taken away. The least you could do was at least tell her you would be gone for a year,” Akaashi felt despair crawling up within him, the more Oikawa’s gaze fell upon his apathetic face, the more he wanted to shrink back. </p><p>“Then maybe you could've spared your lover from a heartbreak.” <em>Ex-lover</em> was what Oikawa wanted to say. </p><p>“I didn't have a choice.” </p><p>Oikawa raises an eyebrow. “But you did. Perhaps a text or a bid of goodbye would suffice, or was it because up until now you were second questioning your worth to her? You were scared, weren’t you? Huh, I didn't take you as a coward.” He smiles, almost mockingly. “It's not my position to tell you but that person, Y/N, she loves you a lot. Even a blind eye would know.” </p><p>“But a year of your disappearance? I’m not sure if she’d take your apology easily.” </p><p>Oikawa begins to walk off, only to stop, shooting him one last glance. </p><p>“At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if you remained as nothing but a bitter memory in her mind.” </p>
<hr/><p>It was a weekend when you were awakened with the sound of your phone ringing, and as much as you kept declining the caller, the phone only began to flash a series of unknown numbers every minute. Begrudgingly, you placed your phone against your ear. </p><p>“Hello?” </p><p>A chuckle broke out. It didn't take you long enough to realize it came from Oikawa as he began to speak. “Glad you finally answered, I thought you were going to decline it again.” </p><p>“I can hang up now.” You mumbled, sleepily. </p><p>“No, don't do that.” He drags out a distinctive whine. “As I was saying, the head boss wants you to come here.” </p><p>That seemed to make all of the remnants of sleep vanish in a matter of seconds, making you sit up abruptly. “What?” </p><p>“I don't know, but I suggest you drop by. He takes these things seriously.” </p><p>“Why now? I've retired already, I have no business there. I’m a year clean from doing his dirty work,” You sighed. “He's up to something, isn't he?” </p><p>“What would I know? Maybe he is, or maybe he's just curious what his former employee’s up to.” </p><p>You pursed your lips. </p><p>“You and I both know that's bullshit.” </p><p>Oikawa lets out a laugh. </p><p>“Just, make sure to come by.” </p><p>You felt small under the pairs of eyes fixated on your form, everyone seemed to adorn phlegmatic faces and though most were familiar faces, you felt strangely alone. Even with Oikawa’s towering figure situated beside you, his hand reaching up to tap your shoulder with a short interrogation of are you okay to you, you remained inert. </p><p><em>It's been a year</em>, you thought quietly, had things really changed this much? </p><p>“Hey.” You looked up to see one of your former associates, Semi Eita, who gently extended a bottle of water towards your direction. </p><p>You took it with a nod, mumbling a small <em>thank you</em> before turning back to Oikawa. </p><p>It's strange. A year ago, you would've found yourself entering the meeting room with a mirthless frown; body emitting a small sense of confidence and authority. Yet here you were right now, deliberately attempting to shrink in your own spot. Your heart beat fell into a sporadic pace, hands starting to get clammy. Everything felt too unrealistic, it felt like there was a huge difference between your past self and present you. </p><p>“Where's the boss?” You asked quietly. </p><p>At the exact moment, the door opened, revealing said man and.. </p><p>
  <em>Akaashi? </em>
</p><p>For a short second, the blood inside you went frigid. The tips of your fingers gradually clenched the ends of your shirt as you stared, and stared, until you felt like your world started to spin in circles. Mixed emotions started to grow in you as Oikawa focused his gaze on you, a concerned frown curling up on his lips. </p><p>You weren't even certain when you started to hold your breath as Akaashi sits down across you, completely avoiding your gaze. You wanted to reach out, cry his name all over and over again until he spares a glance in your way, but you felt defenseless. He was near, yet he felt so far. </p><p>“Now that all of you are gathered here, especially L/N, I'm well aware that you're no longer affiliated with the organization but your presence here is crucial. And as much as I hated saying this, this mission needs you, we need you.” Your mouth felt dry, making you turn to Oikawa in panic. He only shot you a reassuring smile, a silent nod coming from him. In all actuality, you couldn't blame him for the situation right now. </p><p>But Akaashi? Since when? </p><p>“What's happening?” Confusion struck through you. </p><p>The boss lets out a chuckle, “My apologies, I haven't really filled you in, haven't I? Alright. I assume you remember last October — the month when Akaashi abruptly disappeared.” At the sound of his name, Akaashi inwardly winces. </p><p>“It was all part of a plan. The initial idea was to trick everyone into thinking Akaashi rendered a traitorous act so he could spy on those bastards,” The old man huffs. “It worked, miraculously. It fooled everyone, including you, especially you and Oikawa. But I never would've imagined that his disappearance would drive you to an early retirement. So, my bad.” </p><p>You cast your gaze on Akaashi and scowled. </p><p>“Why didn't you tell me?” </p><p>He visibly stiffened on his spot, eyes remained fixated on anything and anyone, but you. It made you feel sick to your stomach, boil in anger, and even perplexed. Was anyone aware of this? What about Oikawa — since when did he know? </p><p>Your words went by with no signs of response or comments, and for some reason, it infuriated you more. </p><p>“Anywho, the mission. We’re going to an underground auction, I got us exclusive invites. Unfortunately, I only received 2 invites so the rest would have to sneak in and blend in as guests.” The man lets out a cough. “Akaashi and L/N, it's been decided that you two are the ones who’ll go inside.” </p><p>“Excuse me?” You intervened. “I openly refuse your proposition. Even if I were given an offer to this agreement, I would still refuse.” </p><p>The man turns to direct his gaze at you, raising an eyebrow. “Who said you had a choice? This is only a one time opportunity, all of you will get your fair shares in this, including you.” </p><p>You shook your head. </p><p>Oikawa, who manages to notice the man’s visible irritation towards your refusal, leaned towards you to whisper. “Code red, I'm sorry.” </p><p><em>Code red</em>, you promptly caught Oikawa’s gaze as he solely emitted the slightest evident of a nod, that if you were to not look carefully, you would've missed it — <em>code red</em>, he stares at you, his gaze indicating his words of silent apology and an urge for you to surrender your unwillingness. You sighed. </p><p>Somehow, in the midst of conversing with Oikawa, you manage to catch Akaashi’s curious gaze. </p><p>“Fine.” </p>
<hr/><p>Two approximate days had passed, and the more you paced back and forth in your house, the more uneasiness started to pour in. It’s been a year, hasn't it? A year ever since you've completely cut ties with the mafia. </p><p><em>Mafia</em>. </p><p>The word itself felt like poison on the tip of your tongue, with nothing but vindictive thoughts crossing your mind. The word had nothing to render except predicaments, a curse that followed you no matter what. And now that you've submerged yourself in total silence, you felt restless. </p><p>“God,” You muttered. “You're telling me I have to subject myself to another misery business?” </p><p>There was a knock on the door. </p><p>Begrudgingly, the person who was right outside of your door was none other than the person you lamented over: the ex-lover and the ex-partner. </p><p>Akaashi. </p><p>It's as if time had frozen in its place as you stared dumbfounded, the words dying at the back of your throat as he lowered his gaze to your face. </p><p>“Tonight’s the start.” He said. “Boss said I should pick you up, since we’d both be the first ones to go there.” </p><p>Slowly, you nodded. “Right. Let me just dress up real quick and we’ll go.” </p><p>The drive to the headquarters felt suffocating and tense, even when there were soft instrumentals playing inside Akaashi’s car. You wanted nothing but to curl up and disappear into the void. None of you bothered speaking or initiating a conversation, even when there was a strong urge of contemplating bubbling up in you — you wanted nothing more but to reach towards the man, to wrap your arms around him and maybe confess your undying yearning; but there were restrictions, and unfortunately, you were left with nothing but anger and distraught in your own seat. </p><p>Akaashi seemed to take notice of your restless expression as he glanced at you. </p><p>“Nervous?” </p><p>Without sparing him a glimpse, you spoke up. “I don't get nervous.” </p><p>The man on the driver’s seat emitted a small frown, and as untimely as it felt, a heavy feeling rested on his shoulders the more he spared his gaze on you. Though you were right beside him, it strangely felt like you were so far from him. </p><p>And maybe it's the unjust longing he felt; anxiety started eating him up as he casted his gaze back on the road. </p><p>“Y/N…” </p><p>“It's L/N.” </p><p>He winced. </p><p>“I’m sorry for leaving you.” He murmured. “You realize that I didn't have the right opportunity to tell you that, right? I know my explanation seems unreasonable, but I’m truly sorry. I never meant to leave you hanging like that.” </p><p>He wore his heart on his sleeve as he continued, a heavy feeling resting on his heart as he situated his hands on the steering wheel. </p><p>“Oikawa told me about you, told me about the things that happened to you while I was gone…” You frowned. “I made a promise to you before, didn't I? That even if we separated from each other, I’ll still return to you. Somehow, that promise feels empty right now — because even when I returned, we're no longer the same people we were before.” </p><p>He grips the steering wheel. <em>Don't tear up</em>, he thinks. </p><p>“Let's do our best tonight, okay, partner?” </p><p>Akaashi sees you turn your gaze at him in his peripheral vision, and most likely, holds an indistinguishable expression on your face. Maybe you were also on the verge of tears as he was, maybe you were frowning in aversion or maybe you were also one second away from bursting from your facade. </p><p>Suddenly, he wasn't sure which was which. </p><p>And maybe he was right — you two were no longer the people you were a year ago. </p><p>Even with you feeling like a stranger on his front passenger seat, Akaashi indulges himself in a silent inclination of hope — you might be a stranger of today, but you will always be a person he held precious memories with in his yesterdays. </p><p>“Okay, partner.” Hesitance was evident in your voice. </p><p>He bit his lip to stop himself from smiling. </p><p>Nostalgia pours in. </p>
<hr/><p>Languidly dragging yourself towards the main lounge, the sight of Oikawa sitting on one of the couches was the first thing you witnessed. A pair of glasses rested on his face as he held papers in front of him, eyes fixated on it. </p><p>“Can we talk for a moment?”  You spoke up. </p><p>There were no indicators of shock rewriting the serious expression he had, so you think he already expected what you were going to utter — or better yet, knew how the conversation would roll. Especially when he merely nodded in response, his gaze momentarily shooting you a glance as he mumbled a go ahead, and returned back to his papers. </p><p>“You knew.” Oikawa didn't insinuate any expression similar to surprise, but his eyes darted to you. </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“Since when?” </p><p>“Two days before you were called into the meeting. I was just as surprised as you are.” </p><p>His face held no emotion. </p><p>“And you didn't tell me because?” </p><p>He looked at you. </p><p>“It's not my position to tell, Y/N.” </p><p>The eye contact remained for a few seconds before he looked away, shaking his head. “You should change clothes, you're leaving in an hour, right?” </p><p>If there was something that idly changed from Oikawa, it was the way he handled a conversation. What used to be passive aggressive replies and assertive tones, was now a passive and softer tone. The more you looked at his side profile, the way he bit his lower lip and read the same paragraph he was reading on the paper all over and over again, the more you realize that something might have occurred the day you arrived back — what could possibly turn Oikawa Tooru into a quieter person? </p><p>Reluctantly, you stood up and walked away. </p><p>“‘Antagonism acts out differently with different people’, was what you always told me. Don't grieve too much about what happened, I might not be aware of what happened to you but always remember that you were never alone.” </p><p>When your figure disappears from his line of sight, Oikawa releases the paper and situates his hands on his face, ridding himself from his reading glasses to rub the skin in exasperation. </p><p>Despite being left in the dark, a part of Oikawa wants to say that you knew, that you were aware of what might've happened to him, that you were far too acquainted with him to know what to say. </p><p><em>You were never alone</em>, he thinks, perhaps the line could be said the same for you as well. </p><p>You two were just victims who fell into a trap of lies, after all. </p>
<hr/><p>It was around night time — 8 pm to be exact, when you arrived at the said place. The declaration of ‘i don’t get nervous’ had passed by like an empty reassurance, and you’re certain Akaashi could see how on edge you felt. However, even if he did take notice of your conveyed nervousness, he probably just chose to not speak about it, and instead, heaves out a quiet breath. </p><p>“Let’s go, shall we?”</p><p>The hallways seemed endless, its gray painted walls silently glaring at you as you and Akaashi walked in total silence. It wasn’t exactly awkward or tense, but you figured Akaashi most likely preferred to execute this job as soon as possible by attempting to blend yourselves as normal people — but then again, normal people don’t really go to underground auction events, <em>don’t they? </em></p><p>A secretary stood by the doors a few feet in front of you, her lips curled up into a scowl as her eyes scanned the invitations handed to her quite meticulously. If it weren’t for the suffocating ambience, a small laugh would’ve escaped you by now. </p><p>“Invitation please.” </p><p>Akaashi handed the said invitations with an apathetic face, gaze remaining calm and stoic. For a short while, the woman looked up to him and raised an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side. </p><p>“Married or siblings?”</p><p>Turning your head to look at him, there was a faint of pink painted on his cheeks as he spoke up rather meekly. </p><p>“Married.” </p><p>A hum of faux agreement came from you, because if you were going to attend an event as a pretend-couple, might as well make it believable. Akaashi puts up a gentle smile on his face as he wraps his free arm around your waist, hand resting on top of your waist. </p><p>The woman’s gaze fell on his hand before nodding. “Happy bidding.” </p><p>“Come on, love.” Akaashi murmurs, hand tapping the side of your waist. The supposed gesture was presumed to be a show for the woman in front of you — to make it even more convincing, but as the man beside you gently drags you with him towards the venue inside, uncertainty could only fill you; his hand remained situated on the side of your body. </p><p>And suddenly, you're not sure if it's just for the show anymore. </p><p>There was a distinct static sound resonating from your ear piece, earning your attention. And judging with the way Akaashi sent you a quick glimpse, you guessed he heard the same from his. </p><p>“Can you two hear me loud and clear?” Semi’s voice appeared. </p><p>Akaashi answered for the two of you, muttering a quiet <em>yes</em>. </p><p>“Right, okay so we’ll continue as we planned — Oikawa’s already situated near the back door, and in approximately…” Semi trails off. “3 minutes from now, the power will go out. That serves as your cue, and remember, we can only do this for one time and one time only. The two of you and Oikawa will have to move as quick as possible because we estimated around only 2 minutes for the power to be gone until it comes back. And under those two minutes, you will have to make a quick run for the ring and necklace and get out of there.” </p><p>You clicked your tongue. “Tell me why I’m doing this again?” </p><p>Semi briefly chuckles. “For money. Anyway, good luck. Don't fuck this up, okay?” </p><p>Then he's gone. </p><p>Akaashi lets his shoulders drop down in return, promptly averting his head to cast you a curious glance. A familiar sense of deja vu appearing within him as he quietly lets his eyes wander at your beauty — even after a year had passed, he couldn't help but still lose his breath at the sight of you. Sure, you might've become more mature and grown into the person you were today, but a part of him wishes the feelings you harbored before hadn't changed. </p><p>The crowd before the two of you felt strangely suffocating to even look at, or even converse with. Akaashi supposes that illegal auctions like this were supposed to emit an ominous aura, since the people who were present seem to hold a high status in the darker side of the industry. After gathering a small conclusion, he bites the inside of his cheek, people here were far too formal for his liking. </p><p>Even you looked uncomfortable under the tense ambience that formed. </p><p>“Stay close to me.” He speaks up, earning your attention rather quickly. “Wouldn't want you to get lost in these sea of people.” </p><p>You rolled your eyes. “I could say the same to you.” </p><p>A smile appears in his face for a second before noticing the way you shrunk beside him, your mouth opening agape as you brought a hand up close to your mouth. </p><p>“Is it cold?” </p><p>A tinge of concern laces his voice. </p><p>You shook your head. “It's tolerable, don't worry too much.” </p><p>He opens his mouth to speak but your hand shot up to hold his, intertwining your fingers together. Panic fills him in as his cheeks heated up in embarrassment, eyes shooting up to lock with yours as you smiled, seemingly too forced. </p><p>“Come on, <em>love</em>. We should move closer to the front, I wanna see the ring.” </p><p>A small part of him felt strangely disappointed, but nonetheless, he let you drag his body towards the front. His eyes were far too busy being fixated on your hands to notice the embarrassment creeping up on your face, which was a good thing, you suppose. </p><p>Even after reaching a spot near the front, you hadn't made a move to remove your hand away from his, keeping it intertwined. Akaashi felt like a high school teenager; red in the cheeks and drunk from love stupor while holding hands with someone he deeply admired. </p><p>“60 seconds.” Semi’s voice suddenly appeared, once again. “Prepare yourselves, love birds.” </p><p>At the mention of love birds, the hand that was firmly intertwined with his suddenly vanished and he was left with the imprint of your warmth. You shifted your position and raised an eyebrow towards his direction, silently questioning the semi-apprehensive look he held. </p><p>“Disappointed?” You asked. </p><p>He shakes his head. “Not one bit, if I were to say so myself, you were the one who wanted to hold my hand.” </p><p><em>Can you not?</em> You huffed. </p><p>In the eyes of these masked people, they would've speculated the events as two married people playfully bickering with each other. Assumptions would be made based on their perspectives — which would no doubt, title the two of you as lovers, and not as totally suspicious people working for a mafia organization. The thought itself was funny, far too funny that a smile appeared on your face unconsciously. </p><p>Akaashi, on the other hand, glanced at you and shook his head. </p><p>Looking down at his watch, he mentally embraces himself with reassurance before tapping your hand discreetly with one of his fingers. <em>It’s time</em>, he shoots a look. </p><p>Inwardly, you winced. </p><p>The power went out in a matter of seconds, emitting several gasps and mutters from the people around you. In an instant, you followed Akaashi closely and walked up the stage, taking the cloth off and taking the ring as Akaashi silently takes the necklace and places it in his pocket. </p><p>In the midst of the dark, as if on instinct, one of his hands shot up to hold yours. You let him drag the two of you swiftly through the crowd of people and turn to a door, mutely escaping the crowd. From the back, you distinctly heard inaudible murmurs and more gasps as someone screeched — the ring and necklace had vanished! </p><p>Akaashi didn't bother sparing you a glance as he tugged you into a series of hallways, swerving into rights and lefts and before you knew it, Oikawa was already in front of you with a frown on his face. </p><p>“You two were a second late, but let's go.” </p><p>You furrowed your eyebrows, something didn't feel right. Turning your head to look at the two men for a second, you wondered if they felt the same. The thievery was strangely easy, but when you almost stumbled on something, or someone (as you looked down and saw an unconscious person), you no longer wondered — Of course, Oikawa already took care of them. </p><p>“Had to do what I had to do, okay?” Oikawa reasons, briskly pushing you inside a car as all of you got inside. </p><p>“Where are the other security?” </p><p>“Thief! There they are!” A shout broke out. </p><p>Series of curses were poured from Oikawa’s mouth as he stepped on the gas, roughly turning the steering wheel as the car pushed forward. Akaashi, who sat at the passenger seat merely looked back from the window and took a gun out. The window from his side was opened as he directed shots towards the pursuers. </p><p>“Y/N, there's a rifle behind you.” Akaashi spoke up, his jaw locking as he heaves a breath, presumably from pent up dread and adrenaline. “Give me a hand.” </p><p>You harbored no hesitance as you filled the said gun with bullets. </p><p>If Oikawa was holding back his thoughts of the word, you're almost certain he held no remorse in hiding his perplexity. His brows furrowed as he drove, keeping his gaze ahead of him. </p><p>Akaashi hissed as he roughly pulled himself back inside, rolling the window down before his hand rapidly shot back to clutch his arm. “Fuck.” He mutters. </p><p>“What happened?” Concern laces both yours and Oikawa’s voices. </p><p>“Shot.” Akaashi closes his eyes and breathes out deeply, “I got shot.” </p><p>“Ah, getting shot feels like a bitch.” Oikawa shakes his head. “Sit down and let us do the work for now, we’re almost out of their sight anyway.” </p><p>Akaashi shakes his head, muttering a stubborn, “It's fine, it's just a gunshot. I can still move fine.” </p><p>You glanced at his hand and almost winced from the sight of red staining his hand and suit. </p><p>“Don't be fucking stubborn, what he said wasn't an offer, it's a statement.” You shot him a warning look as you pulled yourself back, hands roughly gripping the ends of your dress and ripping its ends. “Come closer.” You muttered. </p><p>Akaashi sighs and becomes pliant under your working hands, letting you tie the ripped piece of cloth around his arm tightly as he winces slightly. </p><p>“That okay?” You questioned. He nods in response. “Get yourself to the doctor as soon as possible when we arrive at the hq, yeah?” </p><p>He nods once again, mumbling a weak, “Thank you.” </p><p>The car ride was silent after that. </p>
<hr/><p>“So assuming that Terushima’s group is now aware of us, what do you think we should do?” </p><p>“Akaashi, his group was the one you resided with before, correct? What do you have in mind?” </p><p>The man in question lowered his gaze for a second, a thick bandage wrapped around his arm as he struggled to reach for the paper. </p><p>“We can’t afford to make assumptions on what they might do. The only thing I can be sure of is that they will respond with retaliation — Terushima is reckless, he acts based on emotions so he tends to overwhelm and commit before thinking through it. But we need to take precautionary measures, he might seem absentminded with everything but he easily catches on easily to things. In a way, we should all be careful starting from now, especially you, Y/N.” Akaashi directs his gaze at you, “You haven't been in the business for a while now, he would be wary of your existence. I wouldn't be surprised if he did a background check on you.” </p><p>Oikawa raises an eyebrow. “And what do you suggest Y/N should do?” </p><p>Without even looking at you, Akaashi steers his gaze at Oikawa, simply frowning. </p><p>“Return.” </p><p>All of a sudden, all eyes were casted on your figure as anger fuels up inside you. You understood why Akaashi felt the need to utter it out loud, but you never understood how he felt forthright with saying it selfishly like that — and somehow, even as you exited the meeting room with rage bubbling up in your head, you could still feel gazes stuck on you. </p><p>It made you feel sick <em>and</em> nauseous. </p><p>Stopping by one of the empty hallways, you leaned your head against the wall and sighed deeply. </p><p>“Calm down. He didn't mean to sound that selfish, he's just looking out for you.” You muttered to yourself. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” </p><p>Akaashi, you closed your eyes and sighed. You should've known he would've followed you out; he’d always harbored the habit of being drowned in anticipation and uneasiness whenever he accidentally hurts someone’s feelings. </p><p>Clenching your fist, a shaky breath escaped past your lips as faint flashbacks of before crossed your mind </p><p>(“I’m sorry.” </p><p>Without bothering to direct a glimpse towards his direction, the only thing you did was turn your head away even more from him and scowled, eyes glossy from the discomfort feeling of ache lying on your chest. </p><p>It's not that your lover uttered out hurtful things to you intentionally, but you supposed that Akaashi seemed to have a tendency for being way too straightforward with his words, and sometimes — his words were too harsh for him to even realize. </p><p>Akaashi sighed, languidly dragging his body towards you before placing his hand on your shoulder. “Love…” He murmured. </p><p>Out of pettiness, you shrugged his hand off and remained silent. </p><p>His hand gradually falls back to his side as he stares at you morosely, words dying at the back of his throat as he swallows his nervousness. No, he wasn't going to let you go to bed with anguish circulating in you, nor was he going to let you out of his sight without making you smile. </p><p>Reaching forward, he taps your cheek twice with one finger gently. “I’m sorry for saying that, I know I sounded way too harsh and I should've known my limitations. ‘M sorry, love.” </p><p><em>Twice taps on the cheeks</em> — you idly recall that he liked doing that whenever he wanted to initiate affection without wanting to overwhelm you. </p><p>You looked up with a frown. “It's okay, I just.. I was just caught off guard with what you said. As long as you didn't mean it, I forgive you.” </p><p>He nods. </p><p>“I never meant to say it, hurting you is the least I wanted to happen.”) </p><p>“Y/N?” Akaashi repeats your name in a concerned tone. </p><p>You pursed your lips, swallowing bitterly. “How many times do I have to repeat myself that you should address me by my last name. It's L/N, not Y/N.” </p><p>He was silent for a second.</p><p>“Akaashi,” He looked at you. “The Y/N you knew from before, she’s gone – long gone. A part of her died when the person she trusted the most decided to leave with no explanation. She’s — I’m gone,” You laughed bitterly. “You hurt me so much, you wouldn't understand the pain I had to endure when Oikawa said that you might've betrayed us, or worst, fucking died. I was crying, sobbing about the fact that my lover might have ceased from existence, that he might've gone through endless torture — because I didn't want that to happen. What about you, Kei? What happened to ‘hurting you is the least I wanted to happen’?” </p><p>Akaashi felt his heart ache from hearing you speak, after all these months and pent up emotions, the feelings you bottled for so long had bursted. You were a crying mess, shaking your head vigorously as he attempted to step closer to you. </p><p>“I..” His throat was dry. In all honesty, and for the first time in forever, the words weren't there for him to utter out loud. His mind was blank, void of thoughts and words, because how could he possibly speak coherently when the person he loved the most was crying? </p><p>Perhaps Oikawa was right when he said that forgiving would be a difficult choice for you. </p><p>“I'm starting to have regrets in accepting the boss' offer, I should've just refused and walked out. Walked out and never looked back, maybe I wouldn't be crying like a dumbass right now.” You smiled, bringing a hand up to wipe your tears. “But it's fine, at least I got to see you, looking healthy still.” </p><p>“Y/N…” He softly says. “I know words aren't enough to express my guilt and shame for hurting you, and neither will actions do the same. But…” He gulps. “Time can, right? I’m so sorry, I’m really sorry — for leaving you alone in the dark, for leaving you to endure everything alone, for making you worry, everything.” </p><p>He brings up a hand to wipe his face, head lowering down in shame as he cries. It felt strange, even until now, he couldn't bear to direct his head to look at your crying face when he was doing the same. <em>God</em>, he thinks, he felt so, so torn and hurt by his own actions and words. </p><p>He slightly jumps back when he feels your arms wrap around his torso, pressing your cheeks against his chest as you cried. And it's so overwhelming, the emotions swirling up in him as he hesitantly wraps his arms around you, bringing you closer to him and shakily breathes out indistinguishable mumbles. </p><p>“I fucking hate you.” He hears you say. “I hate you for leaving without saying goodbye — I’m not even mad about the fact that you had to leave because of a mission, but I’m mad because you could've left me a letter or a text, or even told me that hey love, i’m going away for a year because of a mission and I would've understood.” </p><p>“I don't need protection either, I was part of the mafia for a reason. I can protect myself.” </p><p>Mutely, he nods in agreement.</p><p>“I know, I'm very well aware of that. I’m sorry for doubting you — sometimes I feel insecure and tend to doubt my own self, and sometimes it affects you and our relationship too.” </p><p>“That's why I'm here; to provide you reassurance and to always let you know that you and I would always have each other’s backs no matter what.” </p><p>Again, he nods. </p><p>There was a long pause. </p><p>“You have a lot of making up to do, you know.” You muttered, pulling away from his embrace. </p><p>You think you spotted a small pout form on his lower lip as he casts his gaze at you, however, the moment he realizes he was portraying the expression, he blinked back and licked his lips. </p><p>“I don't mind,” He shakes his head. “I’d spend my whole life making it up to you if I have to.” </p><p>Reluctantly, you shakily brought a hand up to tap his cheek — once, twice, watching in complete silence as he blinks back in confusion. </p><p>“You can start now, partner.” </p><p>Gradually, he lets a smile appear on his lips. </p><p>“Of course.” </p><p><em>Thank you for letting me make it up to you</em>, he smiles. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>talk to me on <a href="https://lcaita.tumblr.com/"> tumblr </a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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